I started writing again because Covid has left my life fucked. I spent three years buying wholesale pallets from retailers to resell online. The past two years after a lot of hard work, hard lessons and tears I finally got traction. Finally had a customer base. Finally started to see a tiny profit but the universe has said no to this path for me. Covid has hurt many large retailers as well and the effect trickles down. I had so much fun rolling out of bed and into my office chair most days. I enjoyed helping the environment as 450 billion dollars a year of retailer’s products new and used end up in landfills. They needed little outlets like me to buy and resell their goods. The system was working well to stop the waste.

After 20 years of playing poker and having a blast grinding at the tables. That small income is also sidelined. Thank God only temporarily sidelined unlike my business. I can’t see on the horizon when I’ll hear the words “shuffle up and deal” again in a large tournament that will be safe. Even though I see dividers being installed at the tables by casinos desperately working to keep players safe. I still struggle with touching the same chips and cards that hundreds of other players have touched. Blah blah wash your hands I know but if you’ve played poker competitively long enough you will know how many people on tourney breaks do not wash their hands after using the bathroom, women included. Many players come in sick with colds and flu and refuse to stay home even before this mutant virus started, so with bathroom pee hands, regular cold and flu and now this freaking virus. Card playing is out. It’s like a knife to my heart as I have so many friends on the felt that I will miss seeing and laughing with.

We tried to go camping this weekend. There’s nothing I love more than to fish and drink wine all weekend. This too turned into insanity as the campground we stayed at did not properly reopen and let in so many day campers we couldn’t count. The day visitors ended up invading our paid for campsites, cleared out fishing lines with kayaks, let their dogs run loose on sites, kids ran amuck running over our stuff and more. We RV owners could do was stare at each other in disbelief as what happened at Newport Beach happened on a smaller scale at this campground.

With my top three loves in the shitter I’m stuck home to rant and get my feelings out on a lot of things. During this virus I think many people have become awakened to the insanity of our world leaders. I don’t want to listen to left and right bullshit. All politicians are greedy and nuts. They have lost touch with the delicate balance of keeping the people happy while stuffing their pockets with our money. Yet there’s nothing most of us can do about their control. It is what it is.

Our medical system sucks families dry. Religion is falling apart which might not be a bad thing if people can remain spiritual and loving. Humans don’t need a building with a steeple and to donate money to an offering box to connect with God. God wants us to love one another and live in peace not only with ourselves but the earth too. I don’t think He intended this spiral of greed and material grabbing that humanity has gravitated too.

I live in an upper middleclass community. Since quarantine began I see lots of pill popping, alcohol addiction and alcohol coping. I can only assume this form of stress relief is hitting all class levels right now leading to more grief and problems for some. Unless your wealthy our kids schooling is like an extended vacation leaving my boys super happy that school work takes a few hours to complete each week, they roam the house in underwear and robes while gaming and think life is great. Their cluelessness makes me laugh each day.

The madness and confusion of the past few months woke me up. I see the lies governments have founded our world on for thousands of years. Tweaking and adjusting our textbooks so as youngsters we learn to work with current political views and an altered history. The latest strategy is Capitalism which I’m not opposed to. I just wish we could balance our material needs with keeping the earth healthy. Under this strategy the goal is to keep the 95% working like busy little bees. Mega rich motivational speakers teach us to goal set, crunch numbers, work, work, work, be a titan and you will live like a king. Even though a majority of Americans live like kings already and just don’t realize it.

Advertising has programmed us from childhood to focus on material needs. Stand in line, trample each other on the joke that Black Friday has become, be a diehard and camp out for the latest products, shoes, purses and gadgets so we can take selfies and show our friends. Dump billions into NFL, NBA and baseball to keep us entertained and distracted from the spiral that has gone on around us. The good thing is when all our entertainment and shopping went away many people woke up like me. People have lifted their heads up from their phone screens, looked around and said holy shit we are puppets in a very big game.

I’m awake so now what?! I can’t control the government but I can control some parts of my life. I can control eating healthy, taming the party girl in me and drinking less. I can deepen my spirituality and be more zen and work on my ego. I can do more yoga to heal my organs and exercise more to be strong. All this too stay the heck out of the hamster wheel of our medical system because they prescribe zombie pills that lead to more health issues and money spent to keep the wheel going.

I can start trying to be of service to more people to spread joy. Take the extra minute when I can to help someone I don’t know. We need to help our fellow Americans while our government and media is trying to divide us. Both giants point the finger at each other but I think the division is coming from both the media and our government.

I love this country so much. I have friends who are good ole boys from Montana, my husband is a farm boy, one side of my family is inner city and I have friends all the way up to very wealthy. I love hanging with all of them. There’s no other place I’d rather be than the USA. I see many others spreading good but of course CNN and Fox won’t put out the good stories where Americans help Americans. I shut off the news two weeks ago and haven’t looked back. My family has traveled coast to coast three times with no incident and we are a biracial family. We Americans might be a little crazy but at the core we are good and that positive energy needs to be shared now more than ever, so I hope you enjoy my rants, posts about the good things that are happening, crazy thoughts on aliens and if anyone has some easy golf tips feel free to comment on those posts ha ha. This girl needs a lot of help with her golf swing.



  1. Lisa mailliard says:

    Love your rant! Keep them coming!

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